Bundles of Noise
by HighOnCookies
Summary: Seto Kaiba never thought he'd see anything in Kisara Byrne, other than another person to ignore in the school hallway. But nothing brings two people closer than a baby...doll?
1. Chapter 1

**Up for real this time. Promise.**

**Quick notes: When I say "Bakura," I mean "Ryou." "Marik" refers to the _sane_ one. The yamis are gone, and Marik and Serenity are now in Yugi's school. Got it? Good.**

**Disclaimer: Screw the disclaimer, I have money! No, wait, I'm broke...so I'll say that Yu-Gi-Oh and its Abridged Series aren't my work.**

* * *

Yugi was trying not to get too distracted as the elected Speaker of the Staff stood up to deliver a message to the students. There was only one month, two weeks and three days left of school(not that he'd counted - Tristan had), and the students could almost taste the freedom. Some, like Seto Kaiba, would be graduating(though it wasn't as if someone so rich could be bothered to actually come to the ceremony), while others were stuck with cramming as much fun in as possible into the limited time slot.

Unfortunately, being so close to summertime brought the students of Domino High to intense drowsiness and daydreaming of the future. So that was probably the reason why the staff decided to dump a new assignment on them.

"A simple experiment," the woman said, her gray hair pulled back in a bun and her dark eyes scanning the mass of pink and blue gathered before her. "You will be partnered up - and we will choose those partners for you - and assigned to take care of this."

And she held up an electronic baby doll.

"You've got to be kidding me," Seto said, showing a rare expression as he looked up from his laptop to see exactly what she was holding. The expression was _stunned_, and it was one many others were wearing as well.

"A lesson in responsibility is something this school needs," the speaker continued. "Some of you more than others."

"By that, she means Marik and Joey," Tea whispered to Yugi. He nodded once, absently.

"These are educational devices, " the teacher continued. "Not toys. However," she added, a slightly sadistic smile spreading across her face, "you will not be receiving these right away. There will be a week in between when either you or your partner will be..." she paused to make sure she had everyone's attention, "pregnant."

Marik and Joey instantly collapsed in laughter, and several others were doing the same or fighting the impulse to join in. The speaker rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, laugh all you want, but I want the whole experience documented!"

Serenity raised her hand, her cheeks pink from holding in her laughter. "Will we be expected to 'give birth,' too?" Bakura paled even more than usual and prayed to every god he'd ever heard of that the answer was no. With his luck, he'd end up playing the mother, and he didn't want to give people _another _reason to pick on him.

His prayers were answered when the speaker sighed. "No, the closest thing to it will be picking up your baby at the end of the week. However you will be expected to look like you are expecting. You will be excused from your school uniform for this, but once you receive your doll you must change back. Your assignment," she finished, "is to tell your parents or legal guardians you're pregnant and write down their reactions. I expect you here at the end of the day to meet your partners. Have a good day."

* * *

"I'm not going to do it."

Bakura shook his head as he took a seat next to Marik in math class. "You're _expected_ -"

"To be a father? Look, I don't exactly have a role model, so I'm going to see if I can be excused from this assignment."

"You do have a role model," Bakura disagreed. "Odion, remember?"

"He's a brother and a servant. He doesn't count."

Ever since Marik had arrived from Egypt, he and Bakura had become what could only be described as 'best friends,' though that was probably overstating things a bit. Tea referred to it as the 'balance factor' of life. Bakura had a reputation as a figure in the background, while Marik was making up for his lost childhood in high school. As a result of their friendship, Bakura kept Marik out of deep shit(too deep, anyway) while Marik pulled the British kid out of the shadows every now and then.

And apparently, not doing your homework would classify as 'deep shit.'

"Listen, Marik," Bakura said under his breath as the teacher entered. "Not even Seto Kaiba can buy his way out of this. I saw it in her eyes. We're stuck."

Marik huffed as the math tests were passed out. He wondered if his 'friend' status would allow him to copy off Bakura's paper, but decided against it. He was one of the good guys now, he reminded himself. That enforced a strict 'No Cheating' policy.

* * *

Fifteen minutes before school let out, the students were gathered and were starting to be partnered up. So far, Tristan and Serenity were partners(Tristan was going to enjoy taunting Duke and Joey about this for the next month), as were Yugi and Tea. Everyone else was waiting for their names to be called, including the new girl near the front of the room.

"Seto Kaiba and...Kisara Byrne."

Seto was pushed out of his seat by Joey, causing him to grumble about having "slimy paw prints" all over his uniform, and slowly made his way down to the front. His partner, this...Kisara, was already there, waiting for him.

"Hi." Kisara smiled. Seto was silent. "Or not." More silence. "I can be quiet and unresponsive, too, you know. It's not really a talent."

Seto sighed. "Don't you have to work on a 'Mom and Dad, I got knocked up by a kid at school' speech?"

"Well, if you're going to treat the mother of your child that way..." Kisara folded her arms across her chest, trying to stop the smile that spread across her face. Seto fought the impulse to growl.

"It's a _doll_," he snarled.

"But we're required to treat it as if it were our flesh and blood," Kisara pointed out as they headed out the door together. It seemed that she was walking him to the limo. "We're going to have a baby, Se...er, Mr. Kaiba. Even if it is only for a week or two."

And so she spun around, her long silver hair whipping against him, before skipping down the sidewalk to head home. Seto shook his head slowly.

What were the teachers thinking?

* * *

Seto was proud of being his own legal guardian. That was a privelage most teens didn't have. Of course it sucked that he didn't have parents, but he had money and a brother, and that was enough for him.

Still, his teachers had made it clear that he wasn't going to get out of this, so he would have to tell _somebody_ that he'd been forced into becoming a father, and Mokuba was the only option.

"Mokuba, I...need your help with something."

Seto Kaiba never asked for help. He rarely needed it. But Mokuba was used to his brother's human side, and seconds later was being filled in about the situation.

"So you got a girl pregnant? How's that the school's fault?"

"She's not pregnant. It's something the school's making us do." He shuddered. "They threatened to keep me another year if I didn't do this."

"So why didn't you buy your way out?" Mokuba suggested.

"I _tried_, Mokuba. They wouldn't let me."

"Did you threaten to sue?"

"Of course."

Mokuba grinned at his big brother. "Well, then, it seems like there's only one thing I can say at this point." He stood up and walked casually toward the door, opening it before speaking again. "Good luck, Daddy."

And he ran. Seto counted to three, then chased him down.

And anyone in or near the Kaiba mansion could hear Mokuba's yelp of surprise, as well as his cries of "Stop him! He's got me! He's squeezing the life out of my every limb..."

"Don't be so dramatic, Mokuba," Seto grunted as he dumped his little brother onto his bed. He was almost too heavy for that kind of game. "Get to bed."

"And what time will _you_ get some sleep, Seto?" Mokuba challenged. "After all, newborn babies cry all night..."

"Mokuba..."

"Good night!"

Mokuba squirmed under the covers and was out in seconds. Seto almost, _almost_, smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Not quite as funny as the first chapter, but I hope some parts make you laugh.**

**Also, yes, Yugi's mother is around. She makes a few brief appearances in the anime, at least the Japanese version.**

* * *

Yugi took a deep breath to calm down as he stared blankly at the door to his grandfather's game shop. _It's not for real,_ he reminded himself. It was true. It wasn't real, any 'miraculous' baby bump Tea had over the next few days would be the result of a pillow or something. So why in the world was he nervous about speaking to his grandfather?

"Grandpa, I'm home!" Yugi called, shoving the door open.

"Just a minute, Yugi!"

Yugi waited, and saw his grandfather coming in from the back, dragging a box filled with Duel Monsters cards. Being the nice grandson that he was, Yugi quickly rushed in to help him.

"So, Grandpa," Yugi said when they were done with everything that needed to be done around the store, "what would you do if...hypothetically, of course...I got a girl pregnant?"

The old man looked surprised. "You?"

Yugi pouted, looking more adorable than ever. "Why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"Well..." Solomon looked like he was going to answer, then shook his head. "Never mind. Who is this girl?"

Yugi looked down at the floor. "Tea."

"And this is a hypothetical case."

"Yeah..."

"Then I'd be happy that I'll be around long enough to see my great-grandchild." The old man laughed. "Your mother, on the other hand, might not be as accepting as I am."

"It's a school assignment, Grandpa."

"Then you'd better tell her that part first."

* * *

"You tell her first."

"You know her better."

"But I'm scared!"

"She trusts you."

Joey and Serenity were in their mother's apartment, where Joey now lived, and arguing quietly over who would be the first to tell her about the assignment. How would she take the news that both her children would be parents at the same time? She'd be relieved when she found out it was fake, that's for sure. But, eventually, Joey gave in, and Serenity watched with worried eyes as he stepped out into the hallway.

"Hey, Mom?" he called, looking back at Serenity with a 'you're next, don't forget that' look in his eyes. "We've got news for you, and it ain't pretty."

"Joey, don't put it like that!" Serenity whined, deciding to play along. "It's a magical, wonderful thing, and you're treating it like you got expelled!"

"What are you two going on about now?" their mother demanded, making her appearance. "If this is more talk about Duel Monsters -"

"It's not," Joey assured her, plunking down on the couch. "We do have _lives_, ya know."

"It's your recently-acquired _life_ that got you into this mess, you know," Serenity taunted, skipping into the kitchen for a soda.

Joey made a face at her back, then turned to face his mother. "All right, I'm not gonna waste time lyin' to ya, Mom. I met a girl a few weeks ago, and now she's having my baby."

Silence. Then, "What's she planning to do? Keep it?"

"For a while, anyway," Joey grinned, pulling out his deck and shuffling his cards. Serenity returned, a just-opened can of Diet Coke in her left hand, and took a seat next to her brother. "Your turn, Serenity," he said cheerfully.

Serenity forced a nervous smile, and her mother instantly caught on. "You, too? Don't they teach abstinence at this school? Or at least how to use birth control?" She shook her head before glaring at her daughter. "It's the Devlin boy's, am I right?"

"Nope. Duke's with one of his fangirls. My baby's daddy is Tristan Taylor."

If this had been real, Joey would have hunted Tristan down with a knife and a sadistic smile that would make Yami Bakura proud. As it was, he just gritted his teeth and counted his Duel Monster cards as Serenity explained the whole thing.

"I have to say, though," Serenity finished, folding her arms across her chest, "you took this really calmly."

"I've been watching a lot of news stories," was the only reply she got.

* * *

Kisara squirmed under her parents' shocked looks, immediately regretting making her announcement at the dinner table. Her father had started choking, and even though he was fine now, he was still staring at his daughter as if she'd suddenly grown a third nostril.

"Who's the father?" he choked out after a while.

Kisara looked down at the mashed-potato volcano on her plate. "Seto Kaiba."

Her father made a noise halfway between a laugh and a growl. "Really, Kisara. Who is it?"

Well, his obvious disbelief would ensure he'd listen to the story and not track down and murder the young CEO. Her mother had always been against teenage pregnancy, and so she was sitting there and biting her lip while her husband and daughter tried to sort it out.

"Daddy, it really is Seto Kaiba. Now, I'm not any happier about this than you are, but I have no choice but to have this baby. The school's making us."

"You're having Seto Kaiba's baby."

"Yes."

"When did this happen?"

Kisara shrugged. "I just found out about this today."

Her father grunted, then turned to his wife. "Does your father still have that hunting gun?"

"Dad!" Kisara cried. "You can't shoot _Seto freaking Kaiba_! It'll be all over the news!"

"She's right," Mrs. Byrne said quietly. She then turned to Kisara. "I hope you know I'm very disappointed in you."

"It's not _my_ fault," Kisara huffed. "Not Kaiba's, either. He's even more against this than I am. It's the school's fault. They gave us this dumb assignment, and now we have to go through with it." She looked up and grinned at their stunned expressions. "It's a fake. You guys seriously bought that? You can call the school if you have to. I'll take a pregnancy test. I'll take _six_ pregnancy tests, if you give me enough pop." She laughed out loud, clearing off her plate as she got up and left.

Her father just shook his head. "Are you sure she's mine?"

His wife rolled her eyes. "No, she's an alien that took our baby's place and our real daughter is far away on Saturn."

He sighed. "That's what I thought."


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter just refused to come out perfect no matter how often I re-wrote. Well, I still think it's funny, if not funny-serious like I tried to make it.**

**However, the mentioned(but totally untrue) Sightshipping made it almost worthwhile. I blame the fancomics for introducing me to that pairing...**

* * *

Seto was not looking forward to going back to school the next day. Not only would he have to face Kisara, but he'd have to face Kisara in her 'pregnancy padding,' as requested by the prison...er, school. But he knew that this assignment was necessary for his graduation and leaving that dreadful place forever(because, apparently, being an 18-year-old genius running a multi-billion dollar company _alone_ wasn't enough for people. No, they wanted him to have a _diploma_) so he managed to drag himself out of bed and join Mokuba in the limo, heading off to face what he knew to be his ultimate demise.

"Ready to see Kisara again?" Mokuba laughed, grinning up at his big brother.

"Shut up, Mokuba," Seto growled. He wasn't mad at his brother. He was, however, mad at Kisara, because she'd called him at five minutes to midnight, on his _business_ phone no less, just to ask him if he thought it would be a boy or a girl. He'd told her it wasn't any of his concern and hung up to go to bed, prompting her to call _again._

Seto was jolted out of his memories at a red light, when Mokuba laughed and waved out the window. "Hey, Seto, it's Marik!"

Seto looked out the window, and sure enough, it was Marik Ishtar on his motorcycle. "Honk the horn," Seto told the driver. "I want to see if he falls off the bike."

"Don't do it," Mokuba instructed both of them. "Just get us to school."

"You never let me have any fun," Seto huffed, but Mokuba recognized the almost-smile as a sign that his brother was joking. It was times like this that Seto Kaiba seemed almost human.

* * *

Kisara stopped outside the school doors to wait for Tea and Serenity. Once her mother had learned it was fake, she was happy to help out. They'd tried out a few different ways to give Kisara the image of a real pregnant teenager, but the closest they'd come was tying a small decoration pillow to her body with craft ribbon and hiding it under a black T-shirt. It was a little too big, but it did the job.

"Isn't it punishment enough for us to carry little plastic crying poopers around with us for a week?" Kisara asked once her friends showed up, starting a conversation without bothering to say hello.

"Apparently not," Tea sighed. "The school board just loves picking on students."

"Tell me something I don't know," Serenity said, bursting through the doors.

Luckily for them, they were not the only girls faking it, and they blended right in. Duke Devlin was headed off to his first class, his partner clinging to his arm with a big, cheesy grin he seemed desperate to get away from. Joey and the mother of his fictional child were off to first-period English class together, and Bakura was...well, it looked like he was threatening to hit Marik upside the head with a textbook. Neither of their partners were in sight.

Kisara broke into a grin as she saw the face she was _really_ looking forward to seeing. "Seto!" she cried, running through the hallway to catch up to him. "Hey, Seto! Seto! HEY, KAIBA!"

He finally turned, perhaps to yell, or maybe it was to spit a sarcastic, "Do I know you?" but he froze as he took in her altered appearance.

"What the _hell_ have you done to yourself, Byrne?"

Kisara pouted. "_I_ didn't do this...at least, not alone." He glared. "Well, I didn't! My mom found the pillow!" Silence. "Come on, Seto! I dress up for you and you barely acknowledge my existence!"

"I highly doubt gaining twenty pounds overnight classifies as 'dressing up.'"

She stuck out her tongue. Was she _really_ that childish? "I did _not_ gain twenty pounds overnight. And don't call me fat again - it's dangerous to say such a thing to a woman."

"While I would just _love_ to stay here and have a verbal battle," Seto said sarcastically, "we both have places we are required to be."

As he turned away, Kisara couldn't resist a parting line: "Bye, Sunshine! I love you!"

He grunted in response, and she skipped down the hall to her first class. This was going to be fun...

* * *

The lunch period rolled around, and Kisara was searching the tables. She saw a few girls standing around, giggling and whining and just goofing off, but they weren't who she was looking for. Then, she saw Tristan and Serenity slide into a table by the window, and Kisara moved down to join them as Tea finished describing her parents' reaction to the news.

"...I didn't know my parents trusted Yugi so much." She shook her head. "They knew I was faking it as soon as I said his name."

Marik dug around in his backpack, telling his own story. "I didn't get a chance to tell Ishizu last night, but I got Odion and made him swear he wouldn't tell her." He held out a piece of paper. "It's all right here." He pointed at Bakura. "He hasn't told his father yet - don't give me that look, I know it's true - so I wrote him a forgery."

He shoved another paper at Bakura, who took it reluctantly and read it carefully.

"See? I typed it so no one would recognize my writing, and I even used a few of those British phrases you taught me!"

Bakura finished, crumpled up the paper and launched it into Marik's face. "Not impressive, Marik."

Tea changed the subject. "So, Marik, why couldn't you tell Ishizu?"

"Pegasus showed up at my place to talk to her, so I got sent up to my room to pretend I don't exist."

"Pegasus?" Kisara gasped. "As in, _Maximillion _Pegasus, creator of Duel Monsters?"

"That's the one." Marik didn't seem to pleased.

"Why?"

"He said he was here on business, but last I checked, Ishizu doesn't work for him."

Yugi smiled innocently, sensing sensitive territory approaching. "Don't worry, Marik. He probably just wanted her opinion on some new cards for the game."

Tristan, however, jumped on the chance Yugi had politely avoided. "Sure. Card games. Right."

"Well, what else would they be doing?"

Joey gave Yugi a pointed look, which immediately made the shorter boy turn a strange shade of green. "Oh."

Marik was on his feet in half a second, out of both anger and disgust at the image they had put in his head. "That's my _sister_! And _Pegasus_! Don't you know how _wrong_ that is?"

"Don't listen to them, Marik," Bakura said, attempting to restrain his friend. "They're just trying to get a reaction out of you..."

Marik fought back the anger that threatened to take over, promising himself he'd take it out on his room later. "I'm going to fake a tumor," he said at last, before getting up to leave.

"An asthma attack would be more believable!" Kisara called after him.

* * *

Marik stormed down the hallways until he reached a decent hiding place. He knew Bakura was right, that his friends had been messing around, but Joey did have a point. Marik was at school, Odion was gone, they'd given Ishizu the day off... If Ishizu and Pegasus were, well, now would be a decent time to do so.

He pulled out a cell phone and called home, and got more impatient the longer it took his sister to answer.

"Ishizu!" he hissed before she could even manage a greeting.

"Marik?"

"No, it's Santa Claus. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Actually, yes - I was sleeping."

Marik's relief was premature, he knew, so he asked, "Alone?"

"Of course!" Her voice was higher with surprise, and perhaps a bit of offense as well. "Who would be with me?"

"Pegasus?"

"Marik!" Her voice was even higher now. "I don't know where you got this idea -"

"Well, I mentioned he showed up at our house last night, and they...yeah."

"Perhaps it's time for you to find better friends," Ishizu told him. He knew she was kidding, of course - when one is friends with the King of Games and his little friendship gang, there is nothing that can be done. "Maximillion Pegasus came to discuss Duel Monsters. Let them know that."

"Yeah, that's what Yugi said, but -"

"Ishtar!" Marik snapped the phone closed and spun around to face the gym teacher, who was nearly twice his size and held a position of authority. "You know the rules about cell phones in the building."

However, the teacher did not know that Marik was an excellent liar. "I was talking to my sister. She's...she's in the hospital."

"But she seemed fine when I spoke to her last..."

"Yeah, it was sudden. She's fine, and she'll be released soon, but..." Marik trailed off, looking down at the floor. "I had to make sure, you know?" He very deliberately put the phone in his pocket. "She didn't want me to tell anyone, though, so if you could keep it just between us..."

The teacher was touched by the boy's concern for his sister, and decided to let him off with a warning. As Marik turned to head back to the lunchroom and rub his victory in his friends' faces, however, he ran into Kisara, her fake baby bump leading the way. Her big blue eyes were even wider with surprise.

"Your sister's in the hospital?" she asked in a small voice. "That's so sad."

Marik looked over his shoulder, noticing that the gym teacher was way out of earshot. "No, she's not. I just wanted to get him off my back."

"You mean, you _lied_ to a _teacher_?"

"You mean you don't?"

"Not the _gym_ teacher - only my math teacher when I leave my half-finished homework behind." She shook her head. "That guy scares me."

"He scares everyone," Marik said wisely. "But he's a sucker for a good sad story."

Kisara rolled her eyes. "Let's just get back so your friends can apologize."

* * *

"Day One - complete," Kisara said happily as the final bell rang. She dashed out of the school...and collided with the father of her doll.

Yep. Kisara had rammed right into Seto Kaiba himself. Knocked him over by the force of it, too, putting them in an incredibly awkward position. Kisara was suddenly glad the girls had been temporarily excused from their uniforms - if she'd been wearing the short skirt instead of her favorite turqoise skinny jeans, even more awkwardness would have ensued.

Seto, for once, looked completely shocked, but managed to poke Kisara's pillow. "Get _off_."

"What, am I too fat for this now?" she teased, but rolled off of him onto the grass. Seto wasted no time in getting up. "So...any updates on our project?"

"We have to come up with names," Seto said simply, brushing stray dirt and grass off his jacket. "If you would come home with me, we can discuss it in private."

"Are you inviting me back to your place?" Kisara giggled.

"Don't make me regret this decision any more than I already am." Seto held open the limo door. "You can call your parents on the way there."

Kisara looked into the vehicle, biting her lower lip thoughtfully. On the one hand, it was Seto Kaiba. On the other, it wasn't every day someone got to see the inside of the Kaiba mansion, and she'd never been in a limo before. Then again, it was _Kaiba_.

"Can I borrow a cell phone?"

"Don't you have one?" He was actually surprised that a high school student didn't have her own cell phone.

"It broke last week - I called you on my home phone."

He dropped a small, hard object into her hand. "Keep it short."

Kisara squealed and took her time in pressing the buttons - clearly, her phone hadn't been as advanced as this one. After a while, this is what the CEO heard: "Hi, Mom. I might be a little late today...I'm with Seto. We have to discuss baby names, so I'm heading over to his place! Mom, I'm _already_ pregnant, why would I want a _real_ baby? 'Kay, bye!"

As she handed him the phone, she said, very seriously, "She told me to ask you if you plan on marrying me."

"Tell her that I plan on ditching you and the kid." Kisara pouted. "Fine, I'll let him visit on holidays and buy him anything he asks me for, but _you_ will still have primary custody."

"So sure it's going to be a boy," she sighed, and leaned back to watch the scenery flash past. "That's ok, Kaiba. I can't imagine you with a daughter, either."


	4. Chapter 4

**Let's hope this chapter turns out better than the last one.**

* * *

"All right. How about this: Joseph for a boy, Tiffany for a girl."

"No."

That was exactly how the name discussion had gone for the past hour, with Kisara suggesting a pair of names and Seto refusing, just to annoy her, she was sure. It was definitely working, and she was about to make a decision with or without the millionaire's consent.

Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, Kisara sighed and folded her arms across her chest, where they came to rest on the pillow she was using as a belly. "We'll call a girl Fiona."

This one actually interested the millionaire. Fiona wasn't too bad, he decided. It was only one name, instead of that catastrophic list Kisara had somehow rolled into one suggestion(not that he would have objected to that, just to mess with his partner, if it hadn't been for the fact that neither of them would remember the name when it came time to pick up the doll). And it wasn't like he actually had to call the doll by name. "Fine, just pick a boy's name so I can send you home."

She smiled sheepishly. "I, er, had one picked out when I entered the doors. I was just going through others because I forgot what it was. But I remember now," she added happily, as if that would make up for her hour-long brain fart.

Seto glared at her. "What's the name, Kisara?"

Not even noticing that he'd used her first name, Kisara twirled her hair around her finger as she thought back. "Noah."

As the word fell from her lips, a terrible memory hit the elder brother. The entire virtual world experience passed through his mind, and the resulting silence was only broken by the arrival of a fluffy-headed boy known as Mokuba Kaiba.

"Seto, Roland says that he can't control the company any longer and needs you to take over at the office." His eyes traveled to Kisara. "Is this the girl you got pregnant?"

"For the last time, Mokuba, she's not pregnant," Seto reminded his brother, but Kisara giggled.

"So, you're Mokuba," she said, looking the younger brother over. There was just something about his face that reminded her of a little kitten, completely trusting and yet plotting world domination at the same time. "Are you looking forward to being an uncle?"

Mokuba smiled. "I couldn't believe it when Seto told me, but I really like the idea. What do you think the baby will be?"

"I think it'll be a boy. I mean, can you imagine Seto having a daughter?"

The CEO growled. Kisara talking about the dolls like they were real was one thing, and he'd pretend to pretend for the assignment's sake, but dragging Mokuba into the act? But at least the boy seemed happy. "Enjoy yourselves. I'm going to go deal with _real _issues now."

They both waved, not caring. "Have fun, big brother!"

"Good luck, Kaiba!"

And, try as he might to hide it, he had to admit he was glad they were getting along. He knew Mokuba only liked babies when their parents or guardians were nearby to take care of them for him. Maybe if the 'mother' was Kisara, it'd be easier to convince his little brother to babysit so the doll wouldn't 'die' and ruin any chance Kaiba had of graduating with the other morons in his class.

And, maybe, if Kisara and Mokuba became friends, he'd get to spend time with her even after he left...

* * *

"Are you _sure_ it's fake, Tea?"

The brunette rolled her eyes. She and Joey had been discussing the same thing all day. "Joey. Did I look like this yesterday?"

"All right, I _know _it's fake, but it looks real." He poked it, only to have his hand smacked away.

"You don't touch a pregnant woman's belly unless she gives you permission," Tea warned.

Yugi hopped up to his partner and his friend. "You should know that, Joey. Your sister yelled at you for ten whole minutes."

"It's not my fault my memory sucks," Joey huffed, recalling the incident in his mother's kitchen that morning when Serenity had shrieked at him for 'killing her baby' when he poked her pillow-bump with a spoon. "So, what are we going to do today?"

Serenity shrugged and picked up her bag. "I don't know about you, but Tristan and I are heading to the library to get some parenting books. Maybe you can do the same."

"Meh, I'll look stuff up online," Joey said. Not that he expected anything to be geared toward fathers, but at least he'd get points for trying.

"Suit yourself." And she dragged Tristan away, off to the land of boring old books. "Maybe you'll find some names you can suggest to your partner."

Names. There was a thought.

"We need names, too, Yugi." Tea's statement brought the King of Games from his little spaceout session. "Oh, did I disturb you?"

"Actually, I was kind of thinking about...how Atem would have teased us nonstop about this." He probably would have, since the world wasn't in need of saving anymore.

Tea bit her lip in speculation. "We could name a boy doll Atem," she suggested.

"No, we'll be the only ones who understand it." Yugi smiled, before reaching over and poking his partner's fake baby bump. "You know, this _is_ kind of weird. Do you think life with the baby will be just as strange?"

* * *

Marik was furious.

He'd gotten in trouble with his sister for lying to a teacher, but his anger wasn't directed toward her. Oh no, it was at the fluffy-headed moron who had ratted him out. Completely unintentionally, Bakura had explained, surprisingly calm in the face of a situation where most would be begging for their lives. He'd just finished scolding Marik himself, and Ishizu had chosen that moment to come and get her brother.

"I still don't think you should tell her yet," he said, referring to the lack of knowledge Ishizu had about the school's project. "Any more trouble and she might ground you for life."

Marik shook his head at his friend, anger fading. "What about your dad?"

"He's in Africa. He isn't supposed to come home until after this whole thing is over. I have no reason to explain myself."

"Meaning you're not going to tell him because he still thinks you're gay."

Bakura's eternal happiness vanished, and he suddenly resembled his long-gone dark side. "If I remember correctly, _you_ had something to do with that."

Marik laughed out loud. Yeah, so he'd single-handedly convinced the father of his best friend that said best friend was gay. It hadn't exactly been diffucult, just introducing himself as Bakura's boyfriend had pretty much confirmed whatever suspicion the man had about why his son hadn't had a girlfriend yet. "I did apologize, you know."

"You offered to make it up to me with a kiss," the British boy hissed, causing Marik to fall over laughing once again. "It's not funny! Don't you realize he'll never believe me when I try to prove I'm straight?"

"Straight?" Marik choked out, regaining his composure enough to mess with his friend's hair. So long and soft and fluffy, not to mention the feminine face. "I can't see it."

"Well, perhaps I should drag you out of your closet as well," he threatened, and Marik only waved it away.

"They know me too well. There's nothing you can do to get your revenge for the whole incident with your father."

"Is that a challenge, Marik?"

* * *

Kisara stared at her ceiling, noticing a coffee stain that vaguely resembled the state of California. Her thoughts were not on her project, wondering if the doll ate real baby formula or something weird, like hair conditioner. No, they were on her partner and his brother, and who would be the fake baby's real caretaker during the father's week with it. Probably Mokuba - she didn't see Seto changing diapers.

_Maybe he'll hire a nanny for it, _she thought, then giggled at the mental image of the poor nanny's expression. He'd probably pay the nanny extra to play along, but he could afford it.

A knock on her door distracted her from her thoughts, and her mother opened it. She looked momentarily shocked at her daughter's pillow-belly, but then remembered the assignment and held out the phone. "One of your friends," she explained, handing it over. "Tea, I think she said."

"Thanks, Mom." Kisara took the phone from her, and waited until her mom left before she started talking. "What's up, Tea?"

"Serenity and I were talking about getting together for a slumber party-slash-baby shower," the voice on the other end was saying. "We invited Joey, Marik and Bakura's partners, too, since we don't know them that well, and wondered if you want to come."

"What about Duke's?"

"We thought about that," Tea explained, "but as much as we like _him_, his partner's out of her mind."

Kisara thought it over. It would be nice to meet new friends, not to mention that she could piss Kaiba off by setting up a play date between his doll and Joey's. As much as he didn't want to play along, she knew his dislike of Joey would even include their fictional children. "When is this party?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: This chapter contains OCs. There are only so many female characters with names in Yu-Gi-Oh, and most have reasons for not being in the project.**

* * *

That Friday, Kisara found herself staring at Tea Gardner's door, in between a brunette with more jewelry than Marik and a blonde with pink domino earrings and a Duel Monster card poking out of her pocket. Kisara thought about asking if she was a player, but decided against it. She could never understand the rules of the game, though she'd tried on many different occasions. Yugi and Joey occasionally got fed up with her for it, but their friendship still survived.

_Come to think of it, maybe that's why Kaiba doesn't like me that much..._

Kisara's inner thoughts were cut off by the door opening, and she came back to reality to see Tea and Serenity standing there, waiting. Tea all but dragged them in, ready to celebrate the fact that they would finally get rid of the baby bumps. On Monday, the mothers got the dolls for their week, and then handed them off to the fathers. No one knew if their doll was going to be a boy or a girl, but the unnamed brunette was texting somebody as Tea stood to introduce everyone.

"All right, everyone. Courtney couldn't make it, so we don't have Joey's partner with us. But these girls agreed to come," she added. "The blonde is Victoria, Marik's partner, and the other one is Jennifer. She's having Bakura's baby. Jen, Tori, they are Serenity and Kisara."

The party started as soon as introductions were made as they started discussing baby names. Jennifer held up her phone to indicate who she'd been talking to. "I've got a question for you girls. Bakura gave me naming rights, since I'm the one suffering from the Humiliation Bump, but I can't make up my mind. What names did you pick out?"

"I picked Fiona for a girl and Noah for a boy," Kisara said happily, bouncing on the couch cushion. "Seto wasn't cooperating, so he agreed to get me out of his mansion."

"Are you sure he agreed to Noah?" Serenity asked, her own memories of the incident returning to the surface.

"Well, Mokuba called him to the office before he did," Kisara admitted. "What names did you and Tristan choose?"

"We agreed on Rachel for a girl, but we're torn between Christopher and David for a boy doll."

Tea hung her head. "I just wish that the dolls came with name tags attached to their arms. 'My name is Elizabeth' or 'Bobby McBob-Bob' or whatever."

Victoria nearly choked on her mouthful of juice. "Did you and Yugi seriously agree to name a boy Bobby McBob-Bob?"

"No, we chose to name a temporary son after his grandfather. I just wanted a ridiculous example." She picked up the TV remote. "All right, what movie do you girls want? _Look Who's Talking _or _The Hangover_?"

* * *

Seto Kaiba thought he'd heard the last of Kisara at school. The lunatic had spotted him from down a crowded hallway and ran up to glomp him, her huge pillow pressing against him in a highly awkward position. But that hadn't been what had made him nervous, it was Kisara herself.

She was amusing, in a weird, coffee-addicted way. She was intelligent, somewhere under that thick layer of genuine cluelessness. And, _somehow_, she reminded him of that girl in Egypt...

Of course, that one had to have been a complete coincidence.

The phone was on its second ring when he realized it was going off. He suppressed a sigh - he could only think of _one _person who would call his business phone after he told everyone not to.

"What is it, Byrne?"

He heard Kisara's familiar laugh, along with several in the background. "Back to last names, I see. Well, Kaiba, I was watching _The Hangover_ with my friends, and I suddenly got the strangest craving for French fries..."

"So go out and get some, then." Interesting or not, there was only so much of her he could take in one day. "They sell them everywhere, it shouldn't be that hard."

"But it's a _craving_!" He could see her in his imagination, huge pillow tied to her belly and hair braided into a long silver weapon, possibly stroking a cat on her lap as she plotted ways to torment her project partner. "It's the father's job to go out and bring the mother whatever she wants."

"Where did you hear that?"

"It's all over the movies, Kaiba. Pretty please? I'll be your best friend."

"I don't need friends."

"Fine. I'll leave you alone...for a week. After this thing is over, of course."

He considered his options. On the one hand, giving in to her now may make her think she could control him any time, and no one told Seto Kaiba what to do. On the other hand, he knew her well enough to know that, should he say no, she would keep calling until he brought her those fries. Which to choose, admit defeat or deal with Kisara for the next two hours until she had finally become too much of an annoyance for him to handle?

"No."

_Click._

He knew the attempt wasn't going to work, but he left the office just in case. He would not answer that phone if it went off again.

Which it did, thirty seconds later. He tried not to bother with it. He knew it was Kisara on the other end, just _knew_ it, and he knew she'd be demanding French fries all over again.

But what if it was an urgent business call?

Going against every bit of his better judgement, he reached for the phone and clicked it on once again. It was Kisara, of course.

"Here I thought you'd just ignore me," she said happily, and Seto could feel the beginnings of a headache. "Could you please bring me some French fries? A big thing, so I can share with my friends."

Ugh. He really shouldn't do this. "What kind of fries?"

* * *

There were three things Seto Kaiba thought he'd never do. First was give up his company without a duel to the death. Second was admit defeat to anyone, especially Joey Wheeler or Kisara Byrne. And third, walking into Burger World and actually ordering something.

And yet, two of the three had somehow happened in the same hour. After about five minutes of persuasion, Kisara had actually won the argument and toppled Seto's mental defenses. So now, he had to console himself with the fact that at least it wasn't Wheeler.

As for Burger World, he blamed Mokuba. He'd asked where to get "salty, crispy" French fries, and Mokuba had suggested here. He hoped Kisara was happy, because he sure as hell was not.

"Aren't you -" one of the workers started to ask, but his cold gaze silenced her immediately.

"Just give me some French fries in the biggest container you have," he instructed, taking out his wallet.

"I didn't know you liked French fries," the young woman laughed, but Seto growled at her.

"My pregnant friend threatened my company if I didn't get her fries," he hissed. "I suggest you get them for her _immediately_, before I get you fired."

She gulped and ran to the kitchen area, grabbing a super-size drink cup on her way. Kisara had better thank him for this.

* * *

Kaiba had never been to Tea's house in his life, and for very good reasons. He really wasn't all that surprised to see Tea's utter shock and disbelief when she opened the door, but he probably should have taken that as an excuse to not just shove the cup full of fries into the startled girl's hands, tell her they were for Kisara, and head back to his ride to try to pretend nothing had happened. Instead, he'd asked, as politely as he was capable of given the circumstances, if Kisara was there, and if she wasn't, directions as to where he could find her.

Being Kaiba, though, it came out sounding something like, "I don't have too much time to waste here, so I'm just going to ask. Where is Kisara?"

The friendship fairy stepped aside, letting him view past her into the room where the party was gathered in front of the TV, in an apparent attempt at a baby shower. But he didn't have time to think about that because, Kisara being Kisara, she had tackled him to the ground and asked Tea if she could keep him.

"I don't know." The Queen of Games, as Kisara had been calling her since she'd been declared pregnant with Yugi's child, was studying the millionaire closely, attempting to be serious but failing miserably. "You're aware that keeping a boy is a responsibility, right?"

"I'll walk him every day," Kisara promised, latching on to Seto's arm. "I'll feed him, and water him, and pet him, and bathe him...well, ok, I'll let him bathe himself," she finished quickly, her pale face lighting up at the thought of giving a man a bath.

It was one of the funniest things Seto had ever seen.

"Do you have another ridiculous request?" he finally asked his partner, hoping that she'd just say no already and let him get home to his work and his brother, not having to deal with her again until she handed him the doll at the end of the next week.

"Well, I would ask you if you'd run and get us another six-pack of juice, but you'd say no because none of the others are having your baby doll." Kisara plucked a French fry from the cup and shoved it into her mouth whole, linking her other arm with his as she chewed. "So, I'm changing things around a bit: I want you to get _me_ a six-pack of juice."

Seto pulled his arm from her grip. "Not on your life, Byrne."

"Just a suggestion," Kisara shrugged, pulling out another fry. "These are great, by the way. Just the right amount of salt." And she and her friends closed the door behind them as they went back inside to finish their 'baby shower,' or whatever it is they were doing.

He really didn't know why he didn't mind doing things for her. He blamed the school and their ridiculous ideas.


	6. Chapter 6

**Procrastination and perfectionism strike again. But at least I got it up.**

* * *

That Monday, after all of the other classes had ended, the students were receiving their babies. Duke and his partner were up front, the mother digging around in a hat to determine the baby's "gender." After pulling out a slip of pink paper, she took his hand and led him to the box of dolls labeled GIRLS and started looking through it while Duke filled out the 'birth certificate' with the teacher.

"Congratulations, Daddy," Kisara cheered when he returned to the spot beside hers, poking him in the shoulder. "What's her name?" He shoved the paper at her in a way of answering. "Roxanne?" She gave Duke a half-formed smile, one he recognized too well. He tried to stop her before she started singing that stupid song, but he was too late. Kisara had taken a deep breath and started on the song:

"Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light...walk the streets for money, you don't care if it's wrong or if it is right..."

"Stop that!" the boy snapped, covering her mouth to shut her up. He immediately retracted his hand after she licked it, but his mission was complete. Kisara had forgotten what part of the song she was at, and that was a very good thing in his mind.

Someone else joined in the conversation, the blonde one that Kisara had met at the baby shower. Victoria. She was staring down at Duke in utter disbelief, completely ignoring Kisara in the process. "What did you do now, pretty-boy?"

"He named his doll after a prostitute," Kisara said happily.

Duke flinched. "Completely unintentionally, I swear."

"I would have picked Angela myself," Victoria admitted. "Not only is it pretty, and won't set off Kisara's singing, but a name like Angela Devlin also makes an interesting mental picture."

Duke gave her one of his famous flirty smiles, and Kisara noticed Victoria blushed a little. "I thought of that, too," he admitted. "But when it came down to it, we decided Angela wasn't the best choice for a doll."

"Meaning she wrote a list and you stabbed it with a pencil?"

"You know me already."

"Ishtar!" the teacher called, picking another name at random from the student list. Marik and Victoria moved to the front, where they received their own little blue-clad bundle of circuits. Bakura and Jennifer were next, where they also got a boy, and then Tea and Yugi got called up and picked another pink paper, giving them a girl. And then the next name sent a chill down Kisara's spine.

"Kaiba!"

She shuffled forward, stopping only to grab Seto by the sleeve and pull him along, and dug around in the Hat of Gender Determination. If she pulled a pink paper, it was Fiona. If it was blue, they'd get Noah. It wasn't that hard.

But as her hand closed around a paper, and she pulled it from the hat, she was beyond confused. The slip of paper was white.

"Well, Miss Byrne," the teacher said when Kisara asked about it, "the white paper means that you and Mr. Kaiba were the lucky pair to get twins. You get to choose if they're both boys, both girls, or one of each."

"You mean I have to look after _two _robots?" Kisara squeaked, forgetting for a moment to pretend that they were her real children. "I can barely take care of myself! How am I supposed to take care of these things?"

"You should have thought of that before you got pregnant," Seto mocked, handing her a doll dressed in pink. She looked back at him, uncomprehending, and he looked down at it. "Fiona," he clarified, wondering if he was being too complicated for her to understand.

"No, I know it's Fiona. I'm just shocked that you actually made a joke." Reaching into the box marked BOYS, she picked a doll at random. "His name is Noah," she told the teacher by way of explanation, and took the twins to her spot, trying to think of something to tell her parents. _Yeah, remember last week when I told you that you were going to be grandparents? Well, we're gonna need another box..._

The other students and their 'children' were all staring. Kaiba was the one who got the twins? How would he handle them during the father's turn?

Kisara was kind of wondering that herself, but cleared her mind to focus on the little robots in her arms. Twins wouldn't be too bad, she decided. After all, it wasn't as if they were _real _babies...

And Noah promptly threw up a strange substance that looked like hair conditioner onto her shirt, and she made a face. Looks like they really were lifelike.

* * *

Seto really didn't see what was so funny about this.

Mokuba had collapsed in laughter as soon as his brother gave him the news, and even Roland, having been in the office when his boss had made the announcement, was fighting the urge to join in. Had it been anyone but Mokuba and Roland, Seto would have thrown them out immediately.

But, since one was his brother and the other his only friend, he had to settle for death glares over his mid-afternoon cup of coffee.

"These reports just came in, sir," Roland coughed, looking anywhere but at Seto. He set a small pile of paperwork on his boss's desk and fled before he lost it.

Mokuba, however, was not to let his big brother work in peace. "So, it's seriously twins, Seto?" he asked, snatching the papers and holding them close, not about to let Seto work at all until he'd been thoroughly mocked. "When do I get to meet my little niece and nephew?"

"Next week. Now give me the damn papers."

Mokuba stepped away, shaking his head and sending his dark hair flying in all directions. "You shouldn't swear, Seto. What if your child's first word was the F word or something like that?"

"I can think of plenty of words that start with F," Seto stated, making another grab for the papers. "Flight, fancy, flower..." He snatched the prize from his little brother's grasp, leaving a confused Mokuba wondering how he'd managed to get it from him. "Not all F words are bad."

"Yeah, but knowing you, you'd teach the really bad one to a two-year-old."

Seto fought back a chuckle of his own. "Probably. Now go and play, or whatever it is you do. I'm busy."

* * *

Noah was crying again.

Two in the morning and the robots were not letting Kisara sleep. Why didn't they go into sleep mode and _stay_ in sleep mode? They looked about the right age to start sleeping through the night, right?

"You didn't sleep through the night until you were eight," her mother had told her when they both started throwing a fit right after she'd gotten into bed. "You just learned not to bother us when we were sleeping."

"Can't you take care of them, Mom?" Kisara had whined, much to her mother's amusement.

"Not a chance. You got yourself into this, you have to suffer the consequences." And she'd closed the door on her daughter and the dolls.

Kisara sighed, forcing herself out of her flashback and out of bed. "You're a little terror, Noah," she said, staring into the blank eyes of her 'son.' "Not even a day old and already taking after your father. Why can't you be more like your sister?"

She immediately covered her mouth with her free hand as she realized she was tempting fate, but Fiona remained silent. Kisara wondered briefly how the school managed to get technology this advanced, before she realized that she didn't care.

What she did care about, however, was finding out what Noah ate and giving him some before he woke the entire neighborhood.

_It's times like these I wish I actually paid attention in class._


End file.
